My eyes are leaking

It’s been one year since I posted..What changed? Got my voice back.

I spend a lot of the time, and when I say a lot, I mean most of my time, with myself, thinking and talking to myself of course.
And frankly, I like it. I honestly enjoy the time that I spend by myself. I have fun, I’m laughing at myself and my private jokes, as I call them, all the time. I am weird an I love it. My mind is a wonderful place. That’s why most of the people that know me, say that I spend a lot of the time with my head in the clouds. I’ts true, not going to deny it. 
Spending time alone is kind of like recharging batteries. A must for me.

So like I said, I loveee spending time by myself. And I believe that I will always be the person who needs to move away from social life from time to time.

But I can’t anymore. 

I am so tired.
I am tired of feeling lonely. I am tired of making myself so busy with things that I don’t think about the fact that I haven’t hugged my friends in a long time. I am tired of not seeing kids in the kindergarden and their smiles when they run up to me with their arms so wide you’d think the whole world is getting a hug.
I am tired of not letting myself feel sad, angry, dissappointed. I am tired of feeling like a hypocrite for promoting the oh so happy life that I’m living. Don’t get me worng, my life IS joyful most of the time.

My life is more than amazing. I am living with the most amazing family I could have ever asked for. I have a dog that makes my heart sing, the fluffiest cat whose life goal is to purr the loudest. I am so so so grateful for them. I am grateful for the fact that I live next to the forest, listening to birds every day, seeing the most beautiful sunsests and stars at night. Oh the stars..

I have it all and I am not happy at the moment. How can that be?

I am a human being with many needs.
I need a hug. Not just one. I need to feel the love around me. And I’m not saying that I need to feel people loving me, I am talking about THE love. On a higher, universal level.
I miss seeing happy people on the streets. I miss full cafes filled with laughter. Oh how much I miss sweating on the dance floor surrounded by the people I trust. I miss observing people and making up stories about their happy, wonderful life. I miss acting silly with my friends and crying from laughter.

I’ve been feeling really amazing for the past few months, a friend of mine said that “I am on fire” lately. I felt good. Wrote a lot, learned a lot, helped a lot, have been teaching a lot, let’s not forget about me dancing around the house, cooking, baking, just fooling around with my sister… So yeah I was doing great, I mean I guess I still am, there was nothing major that affected the change in my mood.

What changed is that I have acknowledged all of my emotions. You know what suppression is? Denying and burying? Yeah I did that with my feelings.

Not sure yet what the trigger was, it might be one of the meditations or maybe the planets had something to do with it, but the craken was released. Kidding, in reality it’s not that bad.

But I have been crying a lot for the past few days. But not like break down kind of crying or not even that crying after something big and sad happens. It might sound strange to you but it straight out feels like my eyes are leaking. I know it sounds weird when I say it, but it’s just that type of a cry when you are slowly becoming aware of your surroundings and your mind just starts catching on bit by bit, and your eyes release few tears at the time.
And another thing.. I am letting myself cry and also saying out loud that it’s a normal reaction.
I am allowed to feel whatever it is that I am feeling. And I need to remind myself every once in a while. 

So I am reminding you. LET YOURSELF FEEL. It’s okay to cry.

It may feel hard, you might feel alone, you might feel not worthy of these feelings, you might feel embarrassed and quite frankly loneliness is a bit*h.

And yes it can be hard, you are not alone, even though it feels like you are from time to time, you are a human being and all of the “ugly” emotions are a part of you.
Speaking about it doesn’t make you an attention seeker, it makes you brave.
There are a lot of people still suppressing whatever they are feeling because they are afraid of other people’s reactions, afraid of being called out or judged.

Let yourself feel.
Communicate with others.
Do not forget about people around you. I know you haven’t seen them in a long time, but trust me when I say this, everyone is fighting their battles. Be there for your people, show them that you care. A simple “hey, you doing okay?” can make a huge impact on their day.

My last thought regarding this post: Our lives can be amazing from many points of view and even if it is so, we are all allowed to feel all kinds of emotions, let it be positive or negative.

And take care of yourself.

Here’s a mirror, take a look
you look tired but be wise
rest your mind and close your eyes
eat a chocolate, read a book
if you wear a bra, it needs to get unhooked.

self care is a must these days
don’t wait too much to write your daily phrase
give your soul a break
play some music, move your body
take a walk, breathe fresh air
tell yourself that what you have is really rare

Here’s a mirror, take a look
there’s already a new title: gratitude letter
where you express the importance of working on feeling better

Tara godec

Not over it, through it.

Hey there again!

You know…it might be because I am not in college yet and I miss studying and learning new things, so I am super excited when I learn something new about myself or my life or maybe life in general. And it makes me really happy that I am able to share these things with you.

There’s one thing that I see quite differently than before. When something bad happens, even if it’s getting your heart broken, breaking someone’s heart, being wronged, losing someone, not succeeding at something, just something that is really unpleasant…
When these things happen (I am speaking from my experience), we tend to overthink the situation, wallow in sadness, closing ourselves, complain and complain and complain and tell everyone about the unfairness in our life. I changed this behavior. Of course I still cry and feel all kinds of emotions, but I don’t let myself get stuck in a negative state of mind for too long anymore.

So here is my example; Something really unpleasant happened to me this month, and I will not share the story with details because it’s just too personal.
So I was hurt badly by one person, I am not saying in what way, just extremely hurt.
One day after the “situation”, I stayed in bed for the whole day. I could not eat, I didn’t want to have any interactions with human beings, I just needed to be. The next two days I actually had to go out because I had to work. I was not myself. If someone asked me if I am okay, I answered honestly that I am not okay, but I know that I will be.
So for the first 3 days I was depressed, sad. So I got to the next stage of coping, which was feeling anger. I was angry with myself. “How could I let this happen, I am the strong one, the one no one messes with, the mama bear that protects everyone, how did I not protect myself…” blah blah blah, all kinds of negative sh*t. I was mad.
I soon figured out that in this situation being angry with myself makes no sense. After some time, I turned my rage into the image of that person. “How can someone do this, to me, to anyone, where is respect…I felt as if this person took a part of my soul, and how dare he/she?!!”

After all this stages I came to the conclusion; no one will be fu*king with me, nobody will ever take a part of me, even though the tears and panic attacks were needed for me to get through this, for me to learn something about people and especially about myself, no one is worth your tears, your mental health… No one.

I was writing about how I felt, I even posted some things. Not because I wanted people to ask me “Tara what happened?” or “Are you okay?”. Nope. I was writing for myself, posting things is just a bonus. Maybe someone else felt the connection to my words, maybe my words helped someone, let him/her know that he/she is not alone…

You know what? It’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to think about the situation… You have to let yourself feel all the emotions, it’s okay to cry, scream if it helps you release the pain, write about it, sing, paint your emotions, truly let yourself be.

I was really proud of myself for getting through these painful days quite fast, and the best part is, that I truly came out of the tunnel of darkness stronger, more patient, even more creative, grateful and full of love. I love myself more and I love life more.

We all need bad things in life. Even if it feels so wrong and painful and you think your life is full of injustice… We need our hearts to get broken, we need to break some hearts, I am not saying here: Be a bad person. All I am saying is, that from every bad thing, comes something good. You just have to be ready to see it and embrace it.

Take your time, feel the emotions, but don’t stay there, don’t bury yourself in negativity. Life is amazing.
Express, teach, learn, cry, laugh, kiss, dance, punch,..

If you haven’t already, read my previous post.


A part of me died when it happened.
I was drowning in darkness.
But because I was so familiar with all the demons, I’ve
decided not to fight them, but to get to know them even more,
invite hem for coffee and discuss.
They turned out to be pretty helpful.
Each year
Each time
When I get sucked in, I spend less and less time
wandering through those dark tunnels.
Each year
Each time
I come out with a stronger glow than ever before.

Tara Godec

This beautiful thing called LIFE

Hey there, you beautiful living souls!

I’ve decided not to pressure myself with not coming up with anything to write, because I truly am quite the spontaneous type (sometimes), so I will write when something comes to me, spontaneously.

So why this title?
Life truly is beautiful, but only when you are ready to see it this way. And for the past two years, my life has been nothing but a wonderful journey.

When I returned from Spain, I got through the year with the help of a wonderful woman,  kind of my life coach. She was helping me with discovering my weak spots, my “child’s attitudes” and helped me convert them into the attitudes of an adult. Through our sessions I often noticed that at some point she tried to teach me something, but I just wasn’t ready for it and when I was, I asked her about it myself.

This is something I have been learning a lot lately. Everything comes into our lives when the time is right. It might be an event, a person, a feeling or just an idea, these things couldn’t come with more perfect timing. But here’s the catch; you might be too scared or just in a too comfortable state to pay attention, to notice these opportunities that help you grow as a person.

I’ve become quite aware of all the things that are happening around me and it’s one of the best things in life. The best part is that I am always staying true to myself or I might dare say that I am finally returning to myself.

We all have these periods in life when we feel lost, without desires, without any goals in life, just existing basically. And oh boy how boring this kind of a life is. Not moving forward, without expanding your knowledge, not getting to know yourself better… Because we are so so so much more than just some person on this planet. Each individual has so much fire, so many sparks, so many talents, a unique personality, a magical spirit inside of him/her. We need to acknowledge these elements and USE them!

I’ve lost a lot of time just existing, being too tired to wake up each day, to talk to people, too ashamed, too closed of… I’ve spent too much time of my life living in my zone of comfort. I am not saying I am out completely, oh no… I am far from it but at the same time super close.

I was always the person who could never say no, I’d never dare to join the conversation just because of the lack of my knowledge about the specific topic that was hot at the moment… You don’t need to know everything to join, you have an amazing opportunity to learn something new, so yeah join the conversation.
One of the things that is super fresh, is me participating in board games. I was the one with 645 excuses, just because I was afraid of humiliating myself, afraid of other people’s opinions… Who cares?! I had fun playing games, of course I had to watch first and then play, but hey I successfully went out of my comfort zone.
My sister’s coach invited me to come to their class and I went! I didn’t dance, but I felt amazing there, feeling the music, seeing them move, exploring their body movements, their abilities…learning. When I got home, I learned two moves, because this is what I love doing, dancing. I was always saying that I am too old to start again, well I take it back now. You are never too old to start doing or begin again with something.

My brother asked me if I’d like to become a coach to some of the kids at our scout group. Another opportunity with perfect timing.
I was just thinking about my goals in life the other day and a message popped up; I was invited to some workshop with the same topic as my thoughts at the moment.
As DJ Khaled would say: “Another one!”

 

So this has been my life these past few months. Meeting new people with same interests, with so many lessons from which I’ve learned so much, letting people go, taking time for myself, getting more and more chances to work with children, figuring things out, getting to know myself better, writing, just truly putting myself out there, expanding my comfort zone.


Put a crystal in your bra, dab on some essential oil,
do a hot girl hair flip and seduce the Universe today,
you sexy bish. 

Topless or not, it’s me.

Hey guys!

It has been too long.. I really had a hard time going back to writing because it’s just so hard starting again. So I have decided to come back, start again and do again the thing that I love, writing.

Last year I was mainly posting about my life in Spain, but guess what, I am not there anymore for a long (too long for me) time, but I am planning on returning one day.

So today’s topic: social norms or one norm that I specifically do not like AT ALL.
Seeing woman’s body as some sexual object.

Well I am not sorry to tell you this, but us women are so much more than just a body.
I have posted many photos of myself being topless on Instagram (nipples were not seen because people are still not ready to see them) and today I exploded with anger and disgust.

Let’s clear something first. I post photos of myself on Instagram because I LOVE me. Yes of course I am a human being which also makes me a bit egoistical and some of the likes  that I get are feeding my ego. And I am not ashamed when I admit this. I feel good if people like me or the way I look to be exactly. But at the same time I have so much respect and love for myself that I find fishing for compliments truly unnecessary. If I ever want to know if I look good I just look in the mirror and after that ask my best friend or my mom. Not the people on social media.

I have people around me that have seen me without makeup, through my worst breakouts, people that have seen me naked, have seen all of my scars, my stretch marks, my unshaved legs and guess what, they love me just the way I am. Why? Because I love myself. Self-love is the most important thing here.

So back to my angry outburst.
I have posted a photo of myself not wearing a bra on the beach. I have gotten so many replies that I look hot, that many other girls should follow my lead of being topless, texts if they could see my nipples (not shown in the photo), people shared my photos to their friends, talking god knows what, guys saying that this body of mine would look even better pressed against theirs, etc.
If you find me hot, cool. If you don’t, cool.
What I am trying to tell here is that I was offended. I am SO much more than just my body, the size of my boobs or the shape of my butt or even the gap between my thights.

Our breasts are just breasts, like our knees are just knees. All of our body parts are individual parts that together make up our beautiful bodies. They are not here to be catcalled or stared at or to be over sexualized.
Single ot not, your body is yours and yours only. No one should ever have the word in what you can or cannot do with it. It’s your choice.

My body is just a small part of me. I do not like being viewed primarly as an object of sexual desire, rather than as the whole person.

15 days – a.k.a. It’s getting real

Hola corazon!

Last week I was so excited about going back home and seeing my family and spending time in nature with my dog and cat, that it didn’t even occur to me what all this really means: I am going home.

I am not coming to Slovenia just for one or two weeks. Nope. I am returning back to Slovenia, my home.

How do I feel right now? Scared, anxious, worried, excited, proud… So many emotions ha? And that’s not even half of it.
Three days ago my mind was occupied with thoughts and worries about my life back there.

What am I gonna do there, who is waiting for me, did I change at all, did others change, will I enjoy my time back, will I cry (haha yes), will I be happy and able to grow…?

Well let me promise you that it’s not all so negative in my brain, and that I am also closing this chapter with grace and pride.

I know that I have a lot of people waiting for me in Slovenia, it is true that the number got smaller but that is natural, it’s okay. I know that I will be happy there too, because I have changed. I have changed a lot. And now I know more what I need to change within myself to be happier, to grow even more. I am making new steps, moving forward in life and it might sound terrifying (and probably it actually is) but I am excited to do that.

The life that I was living in Slovenia wasn’t really the happy one. This is why I have more problems going back there, compared to how I felt coming to Spain for the first time, all alone.

I have had a wonderful life here in Spain. I learned so much, I have grown, and all that in just 11 months. (wtf I cannot believe that these 11 months are coming to an end…)
And in these few months I have learned how to respond when someone asks me: What do you want?
Now I can imagine myself in the future, before, I wasn’t able to.
After few years I can say that I am happy, and mean it with all my heart and soul.
I am 11 steps closer to accepting my uniqueness, myself.
I guess I really needed Spain to start writing poetry:p

 

I am so grateful for this time that I have spent here, all the people I have met, all the adventures I have had, all the breakdowns that the has moon heard, all the drunk nights when my Spanish was perfect (or so I thought)

I am crying at the moment because my sister texted me asking how many more days, and I replied with 15. 15!!!! Fifteen freaking days and I am GOING HOME. I am happy and I am sad. I am a mess.

So right now I am full of mixed emotions, and I cannot wait to write about how I am actually going to feel when I’ll be back in my country.


The monsters from her past are coming to get her.
She is different now.
Facing them, and conquering them all.
She is different now.
No more darkness, no more pain, no more sadness.
She has changed.
All of you will witness her power, the power of love and light.
She is different now,
and she is coming home.
Tara Godec

Life might have taken lemons away from me, but I still have salt and tequila.

Hello, people of the moon!

I haven’t posted for a while now, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t writing anything…I was writing a lot (mucho, mucho, MUCHO), but it’s all just super messy, just like my mind these day.

Last week I was working so much; I was with my girls for 11 hours a day! So whenever I was free I took a nap, enjoyed my coffee or just spend some time on the beach, under the moon.

And then the weekend happened.
I lost my phone and my ID, and had a fight with my friend (which is a really rare occasion for me).
I’ts so funny how just some small stupid events, make your week miserable, even depressed.

So what I decided to write about today is:  no matter in what way life decides to “bring you down”, it is still so beautiful and full of the things that we need to be grateful for!

So what am I grateful for?

I am grateful for my mom. No matter how “shitty” I make her feel, or how many mistakes I make, she will ALWAYS be there for me and love me unconditionally. She stands by me and helps me see the light, even when all I see is darkness. She is my rock. I know it sounds so cheesy, but it is the honest truth. She helps me understand my emotions, my pain, my mind…she helps me understand life.

I am also really grateful for my friends. I am so happy that I can call many people: my friends. They are with me in the good and bad, they accept  me for who I am and help me grow as a person.

I am truly grateful for my host mom. Not because she is she is a wonderful, lovely person that I oh so adore. Not at all. She is quite far from being my favorite person. She is my mirror. Life has brought her into my life for a reason; to teach. I have learned so much about myself because of her. She is a complete opposite of me, and this is how I got to know myself better and now I know where I have to improve to be happier.

I am grateful for my professors. They taught me many things I never knew that would be so important in life. I speak three languages on a daily basis. With that, I can communicate and meet amazing people, my new best friends, from all over the world.

I am super grateful for my girls here. They are 2 angels that were sent to me, to teach me about how an amazing person I am, and that I too, deserve to be loved and admired, they taught me a lot about love in general, how moments of closeness can affect you in many unimaginable ways.

I can go on and on and on or the eternity just to write a list of things that I am extra grateful for in my life…and everyone should have that list!

 

We always do that. Well I always do that. When something bad happens, and it can be the smallest detail, I tend to be stuck in a negativity for a long time. I can push myself even further into the ground for days, I can feel sorry for myself and repeat all of the mistakes I made in my life in my head. This can go on and on and on.

OR: I can look at life as a gift. I don’t need to overthink my mistakes. I can learn from them. I can grow. I can look around, and realize that there are so many, many, many more beautiful things that I have in my life. And I can be grateful. This list is so much longer than the one with shitty things in my life. PLUS: I can change those shitty things into something wonderful.


One day you and I will be like this,
Happy and free under the moonlight
Our naked bodies will be nothing compared to our naked souls
Pure and beautiful.
One day you and I will be like this,
Our souls will join the moon
We will all shine together
So bright
In this world full of darkness.

You are unique!

Hey you!

Let me start this one with a question: Do you love yourself?

Today is my 7th day with no makeup! I know, you might be thinking, um Tara this is barely even a week, and why is this such a big deal? Well it’s a huge deal for me. If you have read one of my previous posts Not Ready, then you know that I am struggling with skin problems. Which comes with an extremely low self-esteem and problems with being calm in the public. So yeah; the fact that I am walking around Spain with just a CC cream on my face, it’s important.

During this year I have learned a lot of things about myself, and one of them is; how important is to love yourself.

We all have flaws, and they are a part of us. We need to accept them. Just like I am starting to accept my skin. My skin is damaged, scarred…but it’s just skin. I am so much more than how my skin looks like, what kind of an ass I have, or the size of my tatas or even my hair color (which by the way is amazing).

So what to do to have a good body image:

  • Do not compare yourself to others. No one is perfect. We all have flaws. There is just one you, and you are unique.
  • Focus on what have you accomplished as a person, and not how you look like.
  • Do focus on the things you like about yourself.
  • Each day, tell yourself one thing that you like about yourself.
  • You don’t need validation from anyone else, to make you feel good about yourself.
  • Surround yourself with people who love you for who you are, and know how to make you feel good. Surround yourself with positive people.
  • Do things that make you happy.
  • Remind yourself that “true beauty” is not simply skin-deep…Beauty is a state of mind, not your body.
  • Look at yourself as a whole person, choose not to focus on specific body parts.

 

Loving your body is just one part of loving yourself, like I said before, you are not your body, you are so much more.

If I compare how  I feel about myself now, and how I felt 2 and more years ago, I feel, and see the change, the improvement.
In this year I got to know myself better. Now I know where my weaknesses are and I am changing things.
I found a hobby, well more than one.
I am learning to say NO more often.
If I start a negative talk with myself, I stop it.
I am really trying not to compare myself with others, there is only one ME, and this is my advantage.
I am allowing myself a lot of me-time, even if that means having a High School Musical marathon, or reading a book, or just sunbathing outside while listening to music.
I am more honest with myself than I ever was.
I trust my inner voice!
I am not surrounded with toxic people.
I am allowing myself to dream, and I am so much more confident that I will succeed.
I am better with accepting compliments from others.

I used a lot of I’s an ME’s in this post, and this doesn’t make me selfish. This proves that my answer to the question above is: YES.


You carry so much love in your heart, give some to yourself. -r. z.

25 Life-Changing Quotes From Feminist Instagram Poet Rupi Kaur

 

 

 

Why complicate life?

Hey dear! How did you start off this week?

I can say that my week is pretty great, and I am looking forward to find out what else does it have in store for me:D

If you know me, then you  know that I just love to complicate things, even more so, when there is absolutely no need for any kind of drama…I just make it up in my head.

In this past year I believe I have managed to avoid it and truly keep it to the minimum -of course here and there it appeared, to make it more exciting:p- so today I am going to share few things in life that are simple, but we love to make them more complicated.

First thing: Missing somebody? Call them.
I have no problems with this thing, some might even say that I can be annoying, and that I miss them too much, but hey! Be happy I call you. I call my mom all the time, just to hear her voice and to know how she is doing. (Fun fact: I’ve read somewhere today that your mom’s voice can actually ease anxiety a bit.) I call all of my friends that are important to me to tell them I miss them.
So yeah back to calling someone if you miss them…I don’t know why it is like this, but now days we just feel I don’t know…stupid? For missing someone, like he/she doesn’t even miss me, why should I be the one to make a call? Why not?!
If you had a person in your mind that you miss and you are too afraid to call, pick up your phone and call that human being, right away. 

You love someone? Tell them!
You can make someone’s day, you can even hear it back. The only negative outcome is that the person doesn’t say it back and you end up with a bruised ego, and even that heals! Tell your friend, your parents, brother or sister, grandparents, a guy/girl you like. Just say it. The same as with missing someone: you have nothing to lose, if you pick up a phone and text/call.

The one thing I’m struggling a lot with: Need something? Ask for it. 
I am learning this thing here. This might come as a surprise to you, but people can not read our minds. Yeah I know, like what? How come? Well it’s true and deal with it.
We are different and some people can actually see sometimes what you need, they are observant and just know. But that is just a small percent of people that surround you on a daily basis. And this is why asking for something is kind of hard for me, I am one of those people who notice these kinds of things.
I feel kind of stupid while writing this example: One time I was at the wedding here in Spain and surprise surprise, I was the only vegetarian in a group of 100 people. So the day after the wedding, we were all invited to a picnic at the bride’s place. Everyone was eating something, and I was politely declining every meal that contained meat. Did I say something to someone? Did I ask them for something without meat? Did I express my hunger? No. I was all the time thinking: someone will notice and offer me something, someone will remember that I am a vegetarian…Did someone do it? No. So I left the gathering with an empty stomach, and I was angry at these people! Can you imagine this; I wanted something, I didn’t ask for  it, and because no one did anything – I was mad? Tara why, just why.

  • If you ask for something you either get it or you don’t. Without asking you just don’t.

You wanna be understood? Explain.
You have questions? Ask.
I was also having a hard time expressing my thoughts. Every time with with my friends, when we grabbed a drink, we had so many different conversations. If I am honest I didn’t always understand everything, but did I ask for another explanation? Nope. I was too ashamed. Did I ever tell my own opinion out loud? Rarely. Again, I didn’t want to be “wrong”.
I understand it now more. We are different on so so so many levels, and that’s okay! Everyone should be able to share his/her thoughts, no matter who you are with. If they don’t agree with you, that’s totally okay! But if they don’t accept you for being yourself, screw them.

 

Wanna meet up with someone? Invite!
This Saturday I texted a friend, that if I am honest have no idea how the Universe reminded me of him, and we agreed to meet when I get back. You have nothing to lose here. It’s super simple. Don’t wait for others.

 

Everything is super simple now that I think about it, isn’t it? So why are we making life sound so damn complicated. Life is beautiful. Make it more simple, and enjoy it.

 

Like Elsa, just let it go!

Hey there, you beautiful souls!

I have been quite unhappy these past few days/weeks. Not really, really unhappy…but you know when you just feel that there is just too many things holding you back?

So I have decided to let go of few things that are doing that: holding me back from living a happy, fullfilled life, just like I desire it to be. So let’s call it a time of changes.

So the first thing I want to let go of is worrying about my past; about the mistakes that I did and are still following me to this day. For instance, I was a shitty student. I didn’t feel like studying, staying in school…so I was lying about my study progress (which was zero). And now, when I truly wanna come home and study, my parents don’t really believe that my intentions are pure.

So I am letting go of that. I made many mistakes in the past, I have learned many lessons, and that’s it. A past can stay where it belongs: in the past. It does not define me. Everyone can change, and I did. I need to focus on this moment. Past < Present

The second thing I know I shouldn’t be doing – and, oh, well I so am – is comparing myself to others. At some point it’s fine to compare yourself because this gives you a much needed push to improve yourself. Like now, when I am living here in Spain, I thought that I don’t even need to improve my Spanish. Haha! Not true. My sweet Jena, she speaks way better than me, so I feel challenged and I am improving my 3rd laungage. But when I see girls on Instagram and oh, how beautiful they are, and how they don’t even try to look pretty or thin, they just are, or some poets, how can they put words on a paper so beautifully…and while watching them, I compare myself to them, and feel like absolute shit.

NOT ANYMORE! I am who I am, I will improve wherever I can and am going to live MY life. Who cares what others are doing, what is making them special? I am also special just the way I am.

I am always trying to make everyone happy. Why should I stop? Because it takes all of my energy and time and there is nothing left for me. Yes, sure. Helping someone here and there, fine. But this kind of became my “job”, and everyone was starting to think that I will be avaliable 24/7 and solve everything.

I love helping, and listening, and I know I am good at it but, enough is enough. It also makes me stupidly believe that everyone is like this, and that when I will need someone, they will be there for me. Haha joke’s on me. My own happiness is more important; I should always be my own priority.

Overthinking is a silent killer. And I truly need to let go of this super bad habit.. I overthink whatever there is…it’s kind of like, “Why didn’t I do it like that or like this and said this instead of that or maybe even better the third thing like why didn’t I think about it sooner now I feel so stupid don’t say you are stupid it’s bad to think like that but I truly feel like everyone is better than me and oh God why did that weird guy look at me like that did I sweat so much or maybe it’s just because I ate too much ravioli I should really stop doing that since I’m here I gained so much weight no wonder that you are single but hey really why am i single I thought that that guy liked me but I guess I was annoying and he didn’t even try to get to know me better I guess I am just super weird maybe I will be single forever but would that really be so bad..etc….”

I actually get nowhere with overthinking, just losing the time and spending too much of my energy on things that are 90% of the time untrue and not important. So next time I will just take a deep breath and calm down.

I will also try letting go of all the unhealthy and toxic relationships that I have, of all the unrealistic expectations in life, and a big one for me: excuses. And also worrying what others think of me…need to work on that one quite a lot:D


“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles.”
― C. JoyBell C.

My four-legged buddies

Hey there!

So I have been having dreams about my pets that are waiting for me at home in Slovenia so I have decided to write about these two magical beings whom I love so dearly.

I didn’t even realize it until now, that my dog, Beki, is already 7 years old! When I was little I was annoying my parents with the idea of us having a dog and dum dum dumm..few years after all the promises had been told, we got the puppy!
Our pupper is a mixed-breed, which means she doesn’t belong to a special breed. But this also makes her special.

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I believe she has a bit of some hunter’s blood, because she just loves to run after deer and rabbits in the forest and she makes this weird sound when she notices them.

One thing that I don’t think has anything to do with any kinds of breeds, is her love for rocks.
I know it sounds really weird, but she adores rocks. Not like tiny ones in the size of your thumb, but the ones that are 2/3 times bigger than your fist! And what does she do with them? She plays with them..she want to play fetch just with rocks..if you throw her a stick, she will find one huge rock and bring it to you.
Another funny thing is, that she always brings one home. So now imagine what all can be done with this amount of rocks in our backyard.

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Every time we went for a walk, she would just lose it and run around like a maniac and explore every little hole in the ground, roll in the grass and just enjoy life in general!

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She is not a really cuddly dog, so every moment that she wants attention and doesn’t want to run around and play, you have to appreciate those moment, they are super rare..but when she comes close to you..she shows you that she does in fact love and appreciate you.

 

This was about my doggo friend and now let me represent my cat, Muki. I got her for my 7th birthday so you do the math;)

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She is the sweetest, fluffiest creature in my life. She is quite the opposite of Beki..
We have both of our pets outdoors, so Muki is known on our hill because she wanders around freely – and always comes back.

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You know how everyone says that cat’s are stubborn and they will do whatever they want and they are the boss? Yeah I can relate. She does whatever she wants at the time that seems the best for her.

But what are the other reasons that our cat is so special? She is super emphatic. She knows when you are sad or feeling off and she will come to you and try to make you feel better. Every time my little sister was crying (because of some injustice)..Muki would come up to her and and snuggle up and make sure she is happy again.

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I believe that she is also a therapeutic cat and she would feel where the energies around the house feel off and she would go there and make it better! In the moments of my depression when I was staying in my bed all the time, she was with me and let me tell you it felt pretty awesome to have a cute fluffy creature watching over you.

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Do they get along? Nope, not at all. They both feel like there is an intruder in our home, but..sometimes even Muki joins us for a walk, but stops at a certain spot on the way to the forest and also you can see Muki provoking Beki and she gets super crazy and runs around her in circles like a motoGP driver.

Right now, writing about them made me realize just how much I miss being around them..They both have a special place in my heart and I truly can’t wait to see them (in less than 2 months)! I might even bring a rock for Beki as a souvenir from Spain..


TIME SPENT WITH CAT IS NEVER WASTED. (Sigmund Freud)